Some days I doubt...

I hate to admit it but lately I've been feeling a bit discouraged.

Sometimes I just sit and wonder how in the world God is going to pull this off (as if He's not skilled enough to bring our little Prince home). It's so ridiculous, I believe with my entire heart that He is the God of the universe and that He created our very beings, but then I wonder if He can really provide us what we need to get Prince here!

Well, in his amazing sovereignity, He helped me this weekend when He allowed me to "stumble upon" an old journal entry written 2 months before our little Elle came home to us.
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3:03am
Monday, October 22, 2007

Lord,
You have awoken me with an urgency to put my prayers onto paper. My thoughts are jumbled and my mind half asleep, but I know that you understand my cry. Lord, yesterday in church you reminded me of the story of the widowed woman who was desperate for the judge to hear her case and bring justice to her situation. But no one would listen to her because she was a woman so she followed the judge around from place to place, town to town, and demanded that he listen to her case. In exhaustion, the judge finally gave in and heard her plea.

This is our job, Lord. You have called us to beg; to plead; to be unrelenting about bringing our "cases" before you. In James, you say that the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. God, please make my prayers powerful and effective! I bring my case before you and I ask for a swift and complete "judgement" for our case.

You have given Elle to us. We know that she is being born on Earth for our family. She is a gift that you have promised to our family and I KNOW beyond all doubt that she is meant to be with us. I also sense, Lord, that you want to use her life as a miracle...a testament to your glory and power. God, I pray that you would use her! Let her entire life be a miracle! God, I am begging...I am pleading. I am a mother on her knees. God, bring her home to us! We long to hold her. We long to care for her and bring her into our family.

God, show yourself mighty. Show yourself sovreign. God, we have hearts that are open and pained to see our daughter. But, we also have a bank account that is stretched and not going to get her home. God, please answer this mother's plea. Please shower your gifts upon us and upon our little Elle. Please help me to trust. Help me to pray with confidence and boldness. I am crying our for our daughter and for our family; please bring her home and provide the means now.

I love you more today than ever before and I am in awe of your love for me. May our family live a life that is a daily testament to your greatness and glory.

Amen.
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God, thank you that you had the foresight to have me write down this prayer over 3 years ago. As I read it again today, I am blown away by how good you are to us. The same prayer that I wrote over 3 years ago, is now the exact same prayer that my heart is aching over with our little Prince. What a blessing it is to look back over these words and to know that you carried us through another time in our life when the odds seemed stacked against us and you will carry us through this time as well.

Thank you God.